Litigation

• Focuses on parties’ differences
• Emphasizes blame
• A hearing can be set on 3 days notice
• Parties feel threatened, knowing they can lose if they don’t fight
• Each party hires experts to support his position and make the other party wrong
• Judges must follow specific rules for dividing property and making arrangements for children
• Formal discovery wastes time & money
• Lawyers are paid for looking through irrelevant information and waiting at the courthouse
• Files and hearings are public
• Proceeds on a judge’s schedule
• Process is controlled by courts and lawyers
• Encourages competition between parties and lawyers

Collaborative

• Focuses on areas of agreement
• Promotes problem solving
• Everyone feels safer since they can’t be called to court
• The threat of court is removed, so relationships are less volatile
• Experts provide neutral information to both parties, saving money and time and lowering conflict
• The parties can create customized solutions for their unique situations & family circumstances
• Makes better use of clients’ time, energy, & money
• Each party gets any and all information he or she needs to make informed decisions
• Meetings are private and confidential
• Fits the parties’ timing and schedules
• Parties and team control the process
• Encourages cooperation and creativity among parties and team

DISCLOSURE and DISCLAIMER

All information in this document regarding Collaborative Law was obtained from the Texas Collaborative Law Institute. Additional knowledge about the collaborative divorce process in Texas can be obtained from the website: www.collablawtexas.com. Please note that this information is provided only as an introduction to the collaborative process, and that state laws, legal precedents and regulations vary from one jurisdiction to another. It is important to locate a collaborative professional in your specific location to obtain complete and updated information about the collaborative process of divorce.

The Traditional Litigational Process Can:
Be financially damaging or destructive
Destroy or damage parent-to-parent Relationships
Destroy or damage parent-child relationships
Destroy or damage extended family or social relationships

There Has to be a Better Way:
To restructure relationships
To reduce the pain of divorce for children
To preserve rather than waste assets
To solve family disputes without making them worse

The Collaborative Process:
A Family Friendly Way to Resolve Conflict
Focus on finding solutions, not assessing blame
Standard ground rules create a safe atmosphere
Interest-based negotiations promote creativity
Full and open disclosure requirements allow for informed decision-making
Confidential, private process; not public record
Neutral experts help educate and solve problems
Step-by-step, structured road map for solution
Less adversarial and less destructive process

Collaborative Family Law is the Better Way
Collaborative Family Law Provides A:
Structured settlement process for resolving conflict
Focus on customized solutions for the parties without going to court

How Does the Collaborative Process Work?
Well-defined ground rules
The collaborative road-map: a step-by-step conflict resolution process
Neutral professionals educate, advise, and guide parties

SUMMARY OF THE PARTICIPATION AGREEMENT

A true collaborative case is one where the parties and their attorneys have signed a detailed written “collaborative law participation agreement” that contains the following commitments and agreements:
1. A commitment not to go to court to resolve any dispute between the parties. The parties can “opt out” of this commitment in the event either party becomes dissatisfied with the process or in the event of an impasse.
2. Agreements requiring the parties, the attorneys and other professionals to treat each other with dignity and respect in the collaborative process in order to create a safe atmosphere to express and resolve conflict in a civil manner.
3. A commitment to concentrate on interest based negotiations versus purely positional bargaining.
4. Commitments requiring full and honest disclosure of financial and other information by both the parties and the attorneys.
5. Commitments which create a structure and a time line for the resolution process. Schedules are created by agreement rather than mandated from the court.
6. An agreement that if the parties impasse or opt out of the collaborative process, the collaborative lawyers cannot represent either party in litigation between the parties.
7. Commitments from the parties to not spend funds outside the normal and ordinary course of conduct or make major financial changes without notice and agreement by all parties.
8. Agreements to use only mutually selected neutral experts. These experts cannot testify in future litigation between the parties unless the parties so agree.

DISCLOSURE and DISCLAIMER

All information in this document regarding Collaborative Law was obtained from the Texas Collaborative Law Institute. Additional knowledge about the collaborative divorce process in Texas can be obtained from the website: www.collablawtexas.com. Please note that this information is provided only as an introduction to the collaborative process, and that state laws, legal precedents and regulations vary from one jurisdiction to another. It is important to locate a collaborative professional in your specific location to obtain complete and updated information about the collaborative process of divorce.

Author, psychotherapist, researcher, presenter, and group facilitator Susan Anderson has over 25 years of clinical and research experience working with victims of abandonment trauma, heartbreak, and loss. She describes abandonment as our “primal fear” and “universal to the human experience.”
In one of her books, “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing,” Susan begins by outlining a wide range of human experiences that often lead to symptoms that interfere with healthy self and relational functioning. Examples of abandonment experiences include childhood losses, such as a mother or father leaving their children, divorce, a child who feels replaced when a new sibling arrives in his or her life, feelings of restlessness due to physical or emotional neglect, a death in the family, etc. Adolescents may feel consistently rejected by others, deserted by a good friend, come to terms with their sexual orientation and become apprehensive about peer or parental reactions, or feel that one’s heart is actually broken. Adults might experience intense feelings of devastation when a relationship ends, when there is a serious illness that restricts or confines them, or if a career that provided professional identity, financial security, and acceptable status is ended. These are just a few descriptions of events that create feelings of abandonment. As stated by Susan, “Its wound is at the heart of human experience.”

Susan Anderson determined that one of the most effective ways to break self-sabotaging patterns by those who have experienced abandonment is by joining abandonment support groups. It is easy to believe that you are the only person who has struggled with feelings of unworthiness, but the truth is, you’re NOT alone. In order to break unfulfilling cycles of functioning, you need to gain insight, motivation, and personal integrity. Abandonment support groups promote positive peer pressure, inspire insight, raise self-esteem, and make a critical difference in your recovery. Check out her website at www.abandonment.net to see if there are any support groups in your area. In Dallas, TX, Dr. Denise Humphrey is currently facilitating an abandonment recovery support group, and will be initiating a second group in January, 2008.